Editor's Note: The "As I see it" feature will be done whenever James sees a movie, either old or new, and feels a need to share it with others.
Further Editor's Note: I don't really have an editor, I've just always really wanted to put in an Editor's Note and I'm also partial to Italics.
Paul Blart- Mall Cop.
My fiancee had very little desire to see this movie, feeling that it would be stupid, but for some reason I just thought it looked like a good time. Turns out, I was right.
Since the commercials have been all over tv I'll refrain from describing the plot, as you can pretty much figure it out.
The movie starts out as basically one long insanely awkward scene after another. Really it gets to the point where you start to wonder why the main character doesn't just go ahead and kill himself. His ex-wife was an illegal immigrant who used him to become a citizen and left him with their offspring to raise. He lives with his mom. He works as a mall security guard. He has the misfortune of falling for a girl that is light years out of his lead. To top it all off, he gets drunk one night in front of said girl (played by the girl who Hiro fell in love with on the show Heroes, which means larged boned men must really find her attractive) and makes a bigger ass of himself than you could have thought possible. As if losing out on the hot real life girl wasn't bad enough, the dating site he'd signed up for has found no possible matches for him (if you cannot find someone on the internet willing to fuck you, it is time for some soul searching (Even Further Editor's Note: I'd delete that last part, but its true, so I don't feel bad)). At this point I was really praying for the terrorists to come in and kill everyone, just so I wouldn't have to live through another awkward moment. Then the movie kicked into gear.
The mall is taken over by robbers and Blart must combat them, which he does in a stylistic mix between Inspector Clouseau, Inspector Gadget, Mr. Magoo, and John McClain. He bungles his way through most of it before turning into Mall-McGuyver to defeat the robbers. The thing I liked most about this movie is that it was a send up of movies like Die Hard without becoming too full of itself (like Hot Fuzz sort of did not only in tone but by the fact that its eighty hours long).
Overall, it was an enjoyable movie, though the beginning could have stood to be less awkward. I'm going to go ahead and give it the insanely arbitrary score of 72 out of 93 on the James Scale of AwesomeTM.
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Out of 93? That's not even a round number. In some public schools, a 93 is still a B.
ReplyDeleteI thought the beginning was great. And don't even try to pretend you didn't almost choke to death when you saw the video his mom posted on his dating site.
Okay, so the movie was funny. I was wrong. However, you also made me see things like Bourne 11, and that stupid movie where there's about 15 assassins coming after one coked out Jeremy Piven. Smoking Aces. Fail. You fail.
Can I confess that I even found Kevin James a little sexy when he got into his Die Hard persona? Rocking the awesome black shirt and metal songs! Could've used more scruffiness, though.
I was about to say, throw a beard on that guy and he's your type. :P
ReplyDeleteOk, the Bourne movies are good, if not a little motion-sickness inducing. And everyone thought Smoking Aces would be good, I was tricked.
Parts of the beginning were funny, it was just a lot of fat jokes and really awkward stuff.
What really makes the Bourne movies good? I haven't been able to figure it out. Convoluted plot with unrealistic action sequences, bad acting, horrible camera direction. Why do people like this?
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