Wow, just wow

So, apparently, Chuck Norris has lost his mind. No this isn't the start of some sort Chuck Norris joke, those were not funny almost as soon as they started. This is far more frightening than another internet joke gone mainstream. Norris was on Glen Beck's show the other night and joked about running as the President of Texas. Now, certainly, for a ten year period, Texas was a republic that had its own sovereign government (until Mexico started a war with them and they ran to the US government like little kids to their mommy when a bully comes after them). Unless some of the very unfunny things people say about Norris are true, he has no ability to travel through time, thus he must be expecting Texas to be an independent republic again. He confirmed this is what he meant when he went on Beck's radio show today and spoke about the future where Texas would succeed from the Union (didn't they do that once already? How'd that end up turning out?). Just to make sure there were no misunderstandings, Norris went on his own blog and said that he didn't mean to imply that Texas would be the only state with enough balls to leave the USA, just one of many.

To be fair, rebellion is what our nation was founded on. We're the upstarts who wanted a vote before we got taxed. So we started our own government, that then taxed people without giving them a vote (in the beginning of our nation, only landholders had votes). That being said, fuck off Chuck Norris. He is complaining because the government wants to take away his guns. First off, not a lot of people care if Chuck Norris has guns. Liberals care if criminals have guns. Specifically, we care if guns that can do a lot of damage end up in the hands of criminals. Secondly, bragging about your ranch full of guns makes you sound creepy, not like a Patriot.

Look, I get that the Second Amendment grants people a "right to bear arms." I'm not going to mention the unmentioned portion of the second about militias (oops, just did). That right is protected just like the right to speech, the press, and religion (same language and everything). Try expressing your speech with child pornography or talking about how much you'd love to kill the president (for the record, I am a huge fan of the President and even if I wasn't, I would never harm someone I disagreed with, that's what votes are for, so I would request the Secret Service use lube during my cavity search). Every right needs to be regulated. I would love to know what Norris would say about our right to nuclear weapons. Those are arms. There really is no way to draw a line between muskets, handguns, shotgun, machine guns, tanks, and nuclear weapons. As soon as you draw the line, that's regulation. But that's ok, because regulation is a part of life, regulation is why we need government. I like living my life, secure in the knowledge that the odds are good that the stuff I own will remain mine, even if the guy walking down the street next to me is bigger or better armed. If men were angels, there would be no need for government. I have absolutely no desire to live in a world were there is no government.

I hate people who wax philosophical about civil war. The American Civil War was one of the bloodiest wars ever fought and cost America quite a bit. Hell, if you look at the electoral map you can see that we're just starting to get over it. Look at other countries around the world who are engaged in civil war, do those situations really seem appealing to you? If so, you really need to find a good shrink.

Where were all these nutjobs when President Bush was illegally detaining American citizens and people from around the world? Where were they when torture was being oked? They weren't rebelling then because they were cool with everything that was going on. The majority of the country was not and that's why we have a new President. So, you lost at the ballot box and now you want to rebel? Sounds more like what happens in failed states than in a country where every four years there are real elections.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is this: Shut the fuck Chuck Norris. Go back to Texas and play with yourself while you look at your gun collection. We promise not to take your guns if you'll just shut up and leave us alone.